6 Things Your Husband Gets Up To When You’re Not Around. They’ll Make You Cringe.
Beth is out for the night so I look through her wardrobe and take out a pair of black stilettos. I like the feel of patent leather, the tapering of the heel, the smell of the insoles. She told me not to wait up. She’s wearing the red dress I like and her best perfume.
This Woman Has Multiple Orgasms Without Having Sex And Tells Us How.
Beth says: Which couple do you think had the best sex ever? I say: John and Yoko. She shakes her head and says: Madonna and Sean Penn. I say: No way. She says: Have you seen Madonna in the ‘Cherish,’ video? I say: Am I the best sex you’ve ever had? She says: Of course.
This Woman Died Of A Love Bite.
On Beth’s collarbone is a love bite, shades of beetroot and mustard in the shape of Japan, minus the northern island of Hokkaido. She says: it isn’t a love bite. She blushes and raises a hand to her throat and says: there’s something wrong with the seatbelt in the car.
Is Your Girlfriend Cheating On You? She Is If She Does These 5 Things.
Sometimes I let Beth walk ahead so I can watch other men stare at her. She says she hates men looking at her.
14 Tweets That Sum Up Married Life Perfectly (Number 13 Is Hilarious!)
Beth says: Of course I’m not. I say: I’ve seen the way he looks at you. She says: Please don’t do this. I say: And the way you look at him. She says: Please, don’t. I say: What about the love bite?
This Is What Happens After You Die.
I never think about death. I don’t think about it at night when I’m not sleeping. I don’t think about it when I’m eating breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. It’s not on my mind on the way to and from work. I never think about it when I’m alone, or with friends, or when I make love to Beth.
These 5 Things Will Make You Want To Check Your Girlfriend’s Phone.
I say: Why’s he texting you? She says: I don’t believe this. I say: Answer the question. She says: You looked through my phone? I say: Why’s he texting you? She says: I’m tired. It’s over. We’re over. I say: I’m keeping the car.
If You Want To Find Your Soulmate, You Have To Read This.
I take off my shirt; there’s a bruise in the shape of Japan across my collarbone. I watch Madonna in the ‘Cherish’ video; she is beautiful, but looks sad and alone. I phone Beth. She doesn’t answer my calls. I leave a message telling her she was right about the seat belt but wrong about Madonna and Sean Penn.